I’ve had a lot of thoughts whirring around in my head which has lead me to write about this subject, and then when I saw the below tweet yesterday from an 18 year old girl I just thought enough is enough, and started typing away…..
This made me really sad as someone who is also a size 16, I have never had any problem with the men I’ve seen appreciating my body. So I started thinking, I wonder if it is more to do with the confidence you portray, or if 18 year old boys are just unappreciative dicks.
I am pretty secure in my body. As I said, I’m a size 16, with big boobs and a giant ass. My stomach wobbles, my thighs jiggle and I fail the “pencil test” epically with my tits (I’ve managed to hold a pint glass under them). But, you know what, I honestly don’t give a shit. I’ve been fatter than I am now (about size 22 at my largest), and I decided to lose weight as I was ridiculously unhealthy and got to that size from a crap diet following low self worth due to depression.
I don’t advocate being unhealthy. My diet isn’t as good as it should be, and I don’t get enough exercise (both things I need to work on). But those are for my health and my health alone. Not because of what I’m meant to look like. Not because I should conform to the glossy magazine’s of beach body perfection or what I think a man would find most attractive.
When I first joined Tinder, I arranged a date with a man. All was set to meet for a drink in town. He then started asking about my figure. (My profile photos were only from the neck up. This was not about trying to fool anyone, but simply because you choose your photos from Facebook, and I had no photos of me on my own as a full body shot, and I didn’t want to include a group photo as personally I find those annoying.) He hazarded a guess that I had 34DD boobs and was a size 10 (presumably his ideal). I corrected him and stated I was a 16 with a 38E/40DD bust; the second I hit send, I was unmatched. All I could think was “thank fuck”. I would not want to have any further engagement with such a tool. He may genuinely find anyone with an ounce of body fat physically repulsive, fair enough, but thankfully I’m confident enough not to run to the freezer and down a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, I was just grateful I didn’t have to faff about with suspenders that night and could stay in and have a great wank.
But not everyone would feel like this. Many women put stock in other peoples’ opinions, not necessarily on their personal figures, but on women’s bodies in general and then apply that rule to their own. Be it the random guy on Tinder. The beauty editor from Cosmopolitan telling you how to get rid of the cellulite you didn’t previously realise was an issue. The diet pills being advertised (target marketed at women) or the huge plastic surgery adverts you see on the tube for breast enhancement or vaso liposuction (again, women centric). Even though some of these may be subliminal messages, it can build up to make you question every detail and aspect of your body, and it’s no wonder you fucking hate everything from your “bingo wings” to your “thunder thighs”.
A friend of mine recently started dating someone and isn’t overly body confident. They fell in love and her confidence seemed to dip as she claims she put on a little weight (happy fat no doubt, this happens in all new relationships right?). She started to question whether her boyfriend might leave because of the way she looked (which was exactly the same to me), and how hideous the noise her body made smacking against his when having sex. I was so sad and frustrated for her. He fell in love with her, her personality, her mind, her aspirations; her looks would be just one small factor on what drew them together and obviously he found her attractive. He had made no suggestion that he felt like that. It was all her own perception, and I know others who have done the same. Frankly, if he had decided he didn’t like her because of that, much like the tweet above, move on, because he’s a dick. And as for sex, bodies make noises, and good sex is fucking gross. If you’re not squelching, balls slapping, sweating, chub rubbing (if you have chub to rub), then it’s probably vanilla as hell and you may as well be in twin beds (except for maybe the odd occasional romantic sexy slow romp I suppose).
My point is, learn to love the body you have. Be proud of it. I’m fat, that’s a simple fact. But I look damn hot in suspenders and pull ups…. My figure might displease some, but that’s fine. Not everyone likes oranges, some people prefer apples, but you only have one body and one life. Don’t waste it hating what you have. If you want to change it, go for it, but don’t put yourself down in the process, and most importantly, do it for yourself (no dream man, not because Kylie Jenner has the perfect ass, or because you want to wear a bikini on holiday and don’t think you can…. Just whack it on). The men (and woman) I’ve slept with have been very appreciative of my curves; this goes back to my original point of it possibly being because I’m confident with my body. I’m not ashamed of it, I’m more than happy being naked, and I think that in itself is sexy at any size.
I just want women everywhere to love their bodies. Stop beating yourself up about being “too fat” or “too thin” or having small tits, wonky tits, broad shoulders…. Every body is different and that’s what makes them special. Think of what they achieve, yours might be able to run a marathon, or do the plank for 60 seconds, or have given you your children. These are the things you should think of when looking at your body, as well as “damn you like fine”.
And to the body fascists…..