Thrice now I’ve been propositioned by men for sex despite the fact that they are in a, supposedly monogamous, relationship and I am surprised each time. I have knowingly slept with one married man and, whilst I’m not proud of this fact and wouldn’t repeat it, it happened because I fell for him. We had a relationship of sorts, he was unhappy in his relationship and we didn’t sleep together for some while after meeting.

The three other men I refer to have quite simply wanted sex. Two I met on 3nder. I joined the app with a view to potentially finding a couple or a girl to join me and a guy for a threesome. I spoke to two couples for a little while.

Guy one:

They set up a group chat for the three of us on Kik, I felt this was good as everything was out in the open and transparent to see, that was until he messaged me privately asking if he could sleep with me without his girlfriend present. I was a little stumped at first and wondered if it was a test to see what I’d say. I simply replied honestly and said I wasn’t looking for a single solo sex buddy and I wouldn’t want to do anything that would make his partner feel uncomfortable. His response was along the lines of “what she won’t know won’t hurt her/how can she be uncomfortable if she doesn’t know” and “isn’t it more exciting knowing you’re fucking me and she doesn’t know”. I was horrified. I really wasn’t looking to fuck just a random bloke. If I wanted that I’d have made that clear, and I felt horrible for his girlfriend. I didn’t speak to them again. I don’t know whether I should have said something to her. If it was all a game and she knew about it, ultimately they were strangers so who knows….?

Guy two:

Similar situation, met on 3nder but I never spoke to the girlfriend. I messaged with M on whatsapp and we talked about what we would do and he sent photos of him and his girlfriend. But within 24 hours he was sending videos of him wanking and telling me how he wanted to fuck me without her there. Stumped. Again. The whole idea of being on 3nder as a couple presumably is because you want to experience something new with your partner? Not find someone to cheat with? Or am I extremely naïve?

I matched with a man on Tinder who explained how he and his girlfriend were in an open relationship and they both used Tinder to meet partners for casual sex. I have no issue with that whatsoever. Of course, he could have been lying and his girlfriend been none the wiser, but I found that to be less likely, and I can only go on the information I have.

I have no qualms with sharing sex partners if the other party(ies) are aware (and safe sex is practiced). But I downright refuse to be the girl that some bloke picks up for a shag just to get his rocks off. I would not do that to another woman for one night of passion (I realise the irony given I slept with a married man; I still feel terrible to the wife of the man with whom I had an affair… )

The third guy was someone I matched with on Tinder months ago. We chatted for a while, but neither of us had a place we could meet. I noticed he disappeared from Tinder and we stopping talking, but occasionally he’d message something filthy and we’d sext a bit. This went on for months. It had gone on for so long I never really expected it to lead to anything as plans to meet had long since been mentioned, but it was exciting to hear from him from time to time. Until I received this message:

Do I just attract all the men in relationships? Or is this normality now?? The line about wanting to see what I’m really like, is total BS. I guess I’m just surprised, as I didn’t really think cheating was so widely “done”. I can see how affairs come to pass, particularly having had one myself, and having seen my parents have them. Affairs are passionate and tend to be about a connection you have with a person than about sex, at least in my experience. The three propositions I’ve had have simply been about one night, one fuck. Is it really worth risking what you have with your partner for sex with a stranger? Is it more common because it’s easier to find partners for casual sex with the availability of apps such as Tinder so people (as I’m by no means saying it’s just men, but obviously this is my personal experience) use this to their advantage? Or is it an age-old issue that’s just more prevalent/apparent now?


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