Tinder rant

No doubt there are 101 posts/memes/instagram posts about this, but I keep finding myself rolling my eyes at more and more profiles so here is my two-penneth worth. Please note, I’m a very cynical, miserable woman, and don’t like vacuous idiots. I’m sure some of this will appeal wildly to many of the British public, just not me.

  • Kids, kids everywhere….

You have kids, that’s great! But, why are you putting photos of your children on a dating app?? Just maybe put a note in the profile. Those flaunting others kids with an * explaining it’s their *niece/nephew/godson/borrowed from a neighbour for the photo, this does not make my uterus skip a beat, my loins heat up and me want to fuck you.

And to those who only put the photos of their kids and none of them?! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

  • Parent gushing

Another note about children; parents who state that their spawn is “their everything” or they “already have a little princess, so are looking for a queen”. 1. State the fucking obvious 2. Spew.

  • Jobs that aren’t fucking jobs


“Living life at <insert wanky reference>

“Mum at stay at home mummy” / “Being a mum at Full Time Mummy” (I’m not knocking being a stay at home parent, it’s the ick way it’s worded)

“CEO at mind your own fucking business”

  • Also applies to education

“University of hard knocks”

“University of life”

University of get a fucking life mate.


Erm, either you’re hiding so far in the distance up a mountain, have a helmet on (well done, you’re outdoorsy), or every single photo is a montage of different people and I have no fucking clue who you are. Ok, bye.

  • I can’t see your face 2.0

All your photos are either your holiday photos (lovely, but I don’t want to get jiggy in the Algarve with a faceless being), or are ludicrous memes that you find “hilarious”.

  • Tattoos

You’re proud of your tattoos; I like a tattoo, I’m happy to look at them. All your photos are of them however, and I’ll reference I CAN’T SEE YOUR FACE.

  • Oh you’ve stroked a tiger?

Cool. Or you haven’t, so you’re going to reference that by pointing out that you’re different. Except that (and the secret’s out) everyone is else is also doing this.

  • Please put your abs away.
  • Travel ✈️☀️🌍🐘🗽✈️ 🚕🌇🌎

Let’s be honest – Tinder is a shallow app, you only have a small amount of words to play with, and many people leave their profiles blank, so you’re there solely to judge someone on their looks. There’s no two ways about that. So my rant may be harsh, but in this fickle app, I care not…

What have I missed?

Leave a comment

  1. July 7, 2016 / 4:53 pm

    Not a fan, very tedious and shallow. Conversation is like pulling teeth or maybe I’m missing the point?!?

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