I’m no angel; I’ve knowingly slept with a married man. I went in knowing all the facts. He was unhappy and ultimately (apparently) left her. Not for or because of me, but because their relationship was broken. I don’t proclaim to feel good about that, but I made it clear at the time that I was not going to be his mistress for long, and I was very vocal about how I thought he should leave if he was unhappy.
One thing I’m not cool with, is being lied to and as I’ve just discovered, I’ve been someone’s bit on the side for about 3 months. We met on Tinder, and having gone through our initial messages, one of the first things I asked was this pertinent question:
This would have been his opportunity to tell me the truth. Which as it turned out was that he’d been seeing a woman for a really long fucking time. I cannot get over the gall of this man. He proceeded to sleep with me for 3 months. Not only did we have a lot of sex. We chatted regularly. I met his colleagues (he’s in the army) on a night out, we went to the cinema and he came to my house. Seemingly people have the idea that this is “what squaddies do”, but I call bollocks on this farce. Just because you live away from your partner so you don’t have regular sex and it might be ‘easier’ to get away with (at least before THE INTERNET) and is seemingly inherent in these circles, it’s not fucking ok. If you need to have sex more often, perhaps broach the subject of an open relationship, sexting/phone sex/naughty photos. Or you know, do that TALKING thing where you actually say how you feel. Don’t unwillingly drag other people into your cuntish ways.
When I caught him out (I found his long term girlfriend on Facebook, as her profile is littered with photos of the two of them together), I messaged him immediately. His excuse was disgusting. Yes he was in a relationship, but it was “not a great one” so he didn’t tell me as he “didn’t think affected our friendship”. Apparently he wanted to have some “release” whilst she got over her depression.
OH DO FUCK OFF.
If you’re not happy, or can’t cope with your partner’s illness then man the fuck up and walk away. Don’t be a monumental cunt and just stick your dick in as many holes as you can to make yourself feel better to get your kicks. Frankly, if he was on Tinder, he was probably fucking many women (I had no issue with this, we weren’t dating, we’d not said we were exclusive), but I would NOT have been complicit in fucking over his long-term girlfriend just because he wanted some excitement.
I told his girlfriend. I absolutely did not tell her to be vindictive. I thought she deserved to know. It wasn’t an accidental drunken one-night stand; he went out of his way by setting up a dating profile to meet women. I simply asked if she was in a relationship with him, when she confirmed she was I said I was so sorry I did not know he was seeing someone and that I wanted to let her know I had met him on Tinder. She sent her number and asked me to call. I did. She asked a few questions which I answered honestly. She later messaged to thank me for my honesty. A few of my friends asked if I’d told her this or that, but I wasn’t out to bombard the woman with every detail. If she wants to know something I’ll tell her, but what happens now is between them. I’m glad I told her. I don’t feel good about what happened; in fact I’m veering from mild rage to upset on a fairly frequent basis right now.
Has anything similar happened to you?