Lost the plot…. (I need to get laid*)

Lost the plot…. (I need to get laid*)

I haven’t had sex in months. Which since the dissolution of my marriage is unusual. The last time was with a guy I’d been on a few dates with in February. We’d had some enjoyable dinners, a cheeky blow job in his car (he later admitted this was the most risqué thing he’d ever done), he was fairly charming, though how much we had in common, I had yet to decipher. The sex was hideously lackluster and I was desperate for him to leave afterwards (he used the word “heavenly” at one point, just get out before my vagina dries up forever). Good Amazing sex is really important to me, I get it’s not always going to be banging (snigger), but if I’m planning what I need to get from Tesco, you need to get off of me.

Recently I just haven’t managed to have it unless I’ve got a connection with someone. I’ve had some fairly kinky, dominatrix style sex, but I can’t say I’ve been buzzing from it, even though it’s been by no means boring.

Because of this, I’ve given up on stranger sex because it’s stopped doing it for me, no matter how kinky they might seem or what they’re into. And frankly, I’m fucked off.

Over the last 18 months I’ve connected with 4 people in varying degrees (but all of whom I’ve had incredible sex with). One of them is married. One is a psychopath. One doesn’t want to commit (and I’m beginning to think is an asshole). One ghosted me (dick).

I used to use Tinder a fair bit. I didn’t mind chatting to people despite knowing it would either lead to something fairly short lived, or nothing at all. I wonder if it’s because I’m in a different mind frame now, and know that I am looking for more so won’t entertain pointless chitchat with someone who is only putting the work in for a quick shag.

I have no desire to join proper dating apps as I don’t think my mental health is good enough to actively look to date. This leaves me feeling like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Perhaps I should just accept that I’m going to acquire more and more animals, and never have good sex again. (Can you tell I’m in a foul fucking mood? she says shoving an Easter egg in her gob whole) I also appear to have replaced sex with chocolate.

Why aren’t the men you want/have mind blowing sex with just available for fucking all time?? I suspect this is the crux of my anger. That I have met men I very much liked (two of whom I loved), but for whatever reason, I am not with them, and never will be. Making a bitter old bitch. Thankfully, I am in therapy. Hoping it makes me a more rounded and calm individual, who will one day love again, and in turn have mind-blowing sex; because if this drought continues, I will become fatter and fatter and no one will ever locate my vagina to penetrate again.

Yours pissed off.

*Exceptionally well.


Only sex I’m having this Easter…..


  1. April 15, 2017 / 11:27 pm

    Alas I can sympathise with you here. I actually think I’m going up a dress size for each year of my drought!!
    Stranger sex is not for me, I can’t imagine the same amount of effort would go in if you’re not too fussed about the other person, I dunno tho obviously cuz of said drought!😂
    I hope yours doesn’t go on as long as mine is 💜
    LucyLu xx

    • April 15, 2017 / 11:34 pm

      I used to love random hook ups, and had some great ones in the past. I wasn’t at all interested in a relationship at the time though, so perhaps that’s why. I blame my head!!

      • April 15, 2017 / 11:38 pm

        Just means you’re ready for more and gotta find someone to step up, that you feel that connection with and who knows how to make you… 😍

  2. Carol
    December 10, 2017 / 12:39 am

    I completely relate to this!

    Plus I’m trying to figure out how to open up more in therapy and talk about my sexuality and the fact I need to get laid! I’m getting grouchy. It’s been a year. Several years ago I went over a decade without sex (besides with myself). I was in a relationship at the time. Not doing that ever again. I’m a highly sexual individual and I need mind-blowing sex. I’m a stereotypical over sexed Scorpio and proud of it.

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