I think it’s assumed that if you write about sex, you may wish for it to remain a secret. I don’t have my name on here, for the simple reason that I’d prefer not to be identified via Google and linked to this blog easily if a stranger was searching for me, partly due to my job, and as it’s so personal it seems a safer option.
However, if you know me, it’s very obvious whom this blog belongs to. I have absolutely no shame in anything I have written, or will write about on this blog as it’s linked to my Instagram which has photos of my face, and I’m not fucking stupid, I recognise that people know what I look like. Another reason to be semi anonymous is that I talk about people I’ve slept with, I don’t identify them, as that isn’t fair, so I don’t want to shout too loudly about who I am, as I’d run out of things to talk about. If they found my blog, they’d know who they are, so I try to be discreet, rather than anonymous.
I was contacted by a friend who knows of this blog to inform me a “friend” had asked him about it, under the guise of “did I know it was in a public forum” (it’s the internet, of course I do). Not being 12, I spoke to this person and he said he wasn’t sure if I’d want people to know about it. For one, all my close friends know about it, as does my ex husband. I had told him many months ago, purely in the instance of such idol gossip happening, I would much rather him hear about it from me, than be told by someone to get a reaction. I have also ensured there is nothing personal about him in here given that I am identifiable, as that would not be fair. My parents are also aware, not that they’ve read it (because, I think most would agree that’s a bit weird), but because I got some freelance work writing about sex from my blog, and shoot me, but I was proud of that.
There was an assumption that I might be ashamed of my blog should people find out about it, and indeed my lifestyle. I chose to write about what I do, because I’m not. If other people are embarrassed about sex, that’s their problem and not mine, and it is one of the reasons I want to write about it, because I don’t think it should be a subject that’s so difficult to talk about, or so hushed. If a straight white female can’t reveal aspects of her sex life without it being assumed she’s ashamed and has to hide in a dark corner of the internet, then what hope is there for a transsexual male or a polyamorous lesbian?
I was told “as long as you’re being safe and doing it for the right reasons….” Why is that women have to have a reason for having sex with multiple partners or casually? Men do it all the time, and I don’t think they are ever asked if it’s done “for the right reason”. I am very pro safe sex (as I have mentioned on here several times), but if I wasn’t, that is my business and mine alone, I do not need to be patronised by anyone.
I will continue to have sex whenever and with whomever I wish, as everyone does. Just because I choose to be vocal about it does not mean I should worry what people think of me if they find out. I will not be slut shamed. I am proud of who I am.
It was through ceasing to read women’s magazines and through reading blogs written by amazing women, which gave me more confidence and taught me to stop giving a fuck about what people think. I like writing and I like sex, so therefore why not join the two and add to the number of women online talking about sex and bodies in a positive way? No bullshit agenda to sell magazines or push products, just me talking about myself.
So if you’ve found my blog, and you know me, if you don’t want to know about my sex life then simply don’t read it.