In this modern day casual sex has become quite the norm for both men and women alike. Apps such as Tinder make finding casual partners relatively really fucking easy, and if you don’t want to date, why shouldn’t you just hook up for some casual fun? But how do you make sure you’re safe and going to get a good experience at the same time?
Take your time
It’s a good idea to speak to them for a little while before meeting. I’ve found this has allowed me to gauge a better sense of what they’re like and if I feel comfortable with them. I’ve ended up speaking to a few men that soon made me feel a uneasy and one in particular become worryingly fixated quickly, so I decided it was best to unmatch/block. Trust your instincts.
I’ve never met a total stranger as soon as I’ve connected as people could be lying about who they are and I don’t feel comfortable with it. I’m not going to pretend I have a fixed rule with this, but I just wait until I am comfortable and feel sure about them.
I’m a little cautious with exchanging numbers or any social media details. Once you’ve given this out they can find out an awful lot about you (your number maybe linked to your social media accounts). Whilst this might useful for you to ensure they are whom they say, be aware of what information it may lead them to find. Apps like KIK can be an alternative to Whatsapp without divulging your number.
Whenever I’m planning on meeting someone new for a casual hook-up, I always tell the same two/three friends where I’m going, or if someone is coming to mine. I tell them who I’m meeting too, the full address, and anything else I think is important (job, sometimes phone number).* I give a rough estimate of a check in time with them, to confirm I’m ok. I also tell my date that I’ll be doing this, that way they’re aware I’m being safe. It may sound like overkill, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
On the topic of safety, I always discuss safe sex prior to meeting. That way, if they don’t want to engage in the practice, I won’t meet them and I’ll avoid any awkward conversations.
It’s ok to change you’re mind. If you meet and are no longer feeling it, leave. It sounds simple, but if you’ve been hot and heavy texting for a few weeks, never feel obliged to go through with something. I usually say something to this affect before meeting, so they know I’m not a dead cert and I have the right to change my mind, as do they (you’d think this wouldn’t need to be said, but it’s also a good way to gauge what they’re like).
Let’s not be naïve, you could do all this and still meet someone really dodgy, but at least you know you’ve done all you can to put measures in place to protect yourself.
How to get the most out of it
No one wants to hook up and it turn out to be a massive flop. Frankly, how annoying is it when you’ve wasted time messaging someone and then have a rubbish night of “passion”? If you’re clear it’s only a casual/friends with benefits relationship from the off, there’s no reason not to be candid about what you enjoy from sex. I’ve always been open about this and told them exactly what I like, what I don’t like, what works for me, what doesn’t and shared my fantasies. Of course, it’s much hotter if you can incorporate this into some steamy sexting rather than a blunt list of demands, which could come across as a turn off. This way, when you meet, you won’t have someone asking for anal if you’ve said it’s a big no for you, or they might go straight in for oral if you’ve said that’s a massive turn on for you.
Essentially, go forth and enjoy so great guilt free sex as there’s nothing wrong with having sex with strangers as long as you’re enjoying yourself and safe!
*With the recent terrible news of serial killer Stephen Port meeting his victims on Grindr, I think it’s important to remember not to be ashamed of having casual sex, particularly in the LGBT community. Don’t let that put you off telling someone where you’re going and what you’re doing.
Stephen Port has been found guilty and his victims have no part to blame. From the reading I have done the IPCC are investigating the police response as suicide notes from two of the victims were accepted at face value. There’s much more I could say on this, but it would become a whole different post. Hopefully you can see my meaning in mentioning it. There’s a really interesting documentary on BBC Three at the moment “Grindr Killer”, in which John Pape, Gabriel Kovari’s friend describes the possible homophobia within the police that allowed Stephen to commit further murders. If you want to have sex freely with whoever you want, you shouldn’t feel ashamed in doing so, if that is ever a reason for you not to tell someone what you’re doing, please don’t let it be.
If you ever want a hook up and don’t want to tell your “real life” friends for fear of judgement; HOLLA AT ME, I got your back.